I might have mentioned once before, my fixation with graphic tee’s.. I used to have a whole closet full. Funny pictures, absurd, and sometimes thought-provoking sayings. Give me a tee, jeans, and a pair of old worn out shoes, over any wardrobe choice, any day. Hands down.
I had yet another appointment downtown with my oncologist today, and of course I pulled on a comfy tee… This one happened to say,
“Shhh. Nobody Cares”
Kinda goes with my whole #cutthecrap campaign, and besides, my 88 yr old Grandma picked it out for me on one of our Thursday escapades, so of course its awesome.
It only took my new Doc 2 visits to catch the trend, I think she was
waiting all day curious what today’s shirt would say. Even though I have some issues, and got some hard news, the hour long appointment was light-hearted. We laughed and joked, and the laughter carried on into the full waiting room. I have a positive attitude, even in the face of uncertainty.
I’m surrounded with love from all sides. Thoughts and prayers are everywhere. My husband, God love ’em, kept urging me to let him drive down here to sit with me for the rest of the tests. I love my husband a lot, truly truly truly, and I value every minute we’re together ❤.
But I love my time with Jesus more. No offense.
One of our Pastors in Seattle, gave this great sermon recently, about how to quit playing the victim. (Notice I said ‘playing’ not ‘being’. That was intentional…. And for someone out there today… ) We all started using the #IAMSTRONG hashtag because of that sermon. We want to inspire change. We want to set examples in our lives that show this change and get others onboard. I’ve used it several times.
I get it. I am strong. But today I’m gonna change it. Because I’m actually not strong at all. I’m a weak little sinner that faulters and breaks. I crack under pressure. I run and hide. A lot. I fear having fear, with a little too much fear. I’m weak, not strong. But He is.
Paul said. It got him through prison, beatings, solitude, ridicule, life.
I am weak, therefore he is strong. #HEisSTRONG
I need my time with him. Daily. Sometimes I need it more seconds than there are seconds in a day. Because I’m weak, and sick, and the problems of this world get me down.
I needed a few minutes to process my appointmemt, and HE is where I wanted to go. Who I wanted to be with first.
The doctor caught me on my way out, I could tell she was assessing my state of mind. She encouraged me to make eye contact, I could tell what she was doing. She said ‘ Your shirt may say nobody cares… But I do’
She smiled, we hugged, I got it. But I’m good. I was already having a lil convo with the man himself… I wanted every step I took out that door to be one that showed HIM, and not my fleshy self. It worked. I could feel comfort and grace and peace and joy, flood the gates. Ahead of tears. Ahead of anger. Ahead of myself. I chose Him first, because I need, no I want, fruit to blossom. Without a beat.
I ate my swanky lunch the doc recommended. I spent some time with the guy who’s got a plan. Without fear of what’s next. Without an anxious spirit. Without looking like a victim, or for something to blame.
Cuz He’s got a plan. He uses the things of this world, for His good, and I signed up to play on that team. My obedience to trust and depend on Him for everything, brings gracious blessings, and I’m so thankful for every darn thing I have. Cancer and all.
I’m weak. But praise God, he cares… And He is Strong 💪